Bism Allah Al Rahman Al Rahim
Being Good to your Parents (Birr Al Waledain)
To raise our children on being good to us throughout their childhood & after they grow up, we must start with ourselves.
In today’s rapid-paced life, we often tend to get so busy that we forget our parents’ rights. Family values have significantly dropped in our lives, and our friends often become more important to us than our own relatives.
What better can emphasize the good treatment of our parents than the following verse from the Qur’an (interpretation of the meaning)
Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honour. (Sourat Al-Israa Ayah:23).
There are two noteworthy conclusions that may be noticed from this verse. First, Allah the Exalted has called for good treatment of parents immediately after ordering us to worship Him. This proves the importance of being kind to our parents and the elevated status in which Allah (SWT) has placed parents in our lives. Second, He has ordered us not to utter even the least of inappropriate comments to them; thus it is very surprising that some people yell at their parents or even tell them to shut up.
Furthermore, when Allah's Messenger (may peace be upon him) was asked which deed was the best, he replied: “The prayer at its appointed hour”. He was asked: “Then what?”, to which he replied: “Kindness to the parents”. Again he was asked: “Then what?”. He replied: “Earnest struggle (Jihad) in the cause of Allah [Muslim].”
Whether or not you live with your parents, or if both of them are still alive, here are some tips to a good relationship with them:
*If you live with your parents
Here are some ideas for you:
Bring something home every now and then. For example, buy them a gift or a cake whenever you receive your paycheck.
Make sure to spend time with them every day, whether it be for reciting Qur’an or reading hadiths together, conducting household chores, or just plain friendly talk.
Take them out.
Obey whatever they ask you to do, as long as it complies with Islam.
P.S: Supplication (doaa) to your parents should be a continuous non-stop thing during their life & after their death, and whether you live with them or not.
*If you don’t live with your parents
Visit them regularly-say once a week or every two weeks.
If you are unable to visit them often because you live far away for example, then do the next best thing and call them frequently.
*If one or both of your parents have passed away
In the authentic hadith, a man came to the Prophet (may peace be upon him) and asked him whether he can do any good for his parents after they passed away. The Prophet (may peace be upon him) told him to do the following:
· Supplication and istighfar for them,
· Executing their will,
· Connecting with relatives that are likely to be cut with the parents’ death, and
· Honoring their friends
In another hadith, the Prophet (may peace be upon him) also taught us that among the good deeds that benefit one who has passed away is a ‘righteous son that supplicates for him/her.’
*Difficulties you might face with your parents
Reverts to Islam often tend to face difficulties with their non-Muslim parents. Likewise, Muslims who take up new acts of worship (such as growing a beard, wearing niqab or even hijab sometimes) might get into unpleasant situations with them. I personally, faced difficulties with my parents in wearing hijab, first then in the rest of the "correct hijab" clothes.
Although one should not abandon such acts of worship in order to obey one’s parents, one should still retain a good relationship with both parents and treat them kindly. Allah the Exalted has ordered us to obey our parents even if they are non-Muslims – but, once again, as long as what they ask complies with Islam. Conditions such as this require a good deal of patience and can be considered opportunities to show your parents that your newly-found beliefs have actually made you better and closer to them.
Finally, I would like to close with the supplication of prophet Ibrahim (may peace be upon him) as in the Qur’an (interpretation of the meaning)
"O my Lord! make me one who establishes regular Prayer, and also (raise such) among my offspring O our Lord! and accept Thou my Prayer. "O our Lord! cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness― me, my parents, and (all) Believers, on the Day that the Reckoning will be established!" (Sourat Ibrahim-Ayahs: 40-41)
And don't forget that berr al waledain (obeying your parents & being good to them) will grant you a huge ajr, acceptance from Allah (SWT) and is one of the most guaranteed ways to Jannah isA.
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